For the past two years I have been working non stop. Pretty much everything in my life was put on hold. I didn't take time to enjoy life or take risks. I played everything close to the vest and safe. So far the past six months I have tried to enjoy life and get out of the rut I was in. It all pretty much kicked off with a bourbon trail that led into a trip to Hawaii. Now I have taken another big step, I have thrown myself head on into the dating world. Let me tell you, at 30..... it scares the hell out of me. The pressure is much greater at this stage vs. college when saying "hey, wanna hang out and grab a beer?" would do the trick. Now I have to try to be creative and prove that I am stable. It has been interesting. So that made me think, why so much pressure? Here are my thoughts on the situation.
1) We live in the South
Everyone from here knows that 90% of the people we went to high school worth were married by 23 and there is a good chance they are close to fielding a starting basketball lineup. I know that women feel more pressure, but so do men. My grandmother constantly reminds me that she had five matching picture frames, four of them house wedding pictures of her grandchildren and one is empty. You do the math. Awesome.
2) Unrealistic expectations
Everyone has seen the online dating commercials where everyone is have a great time going skydiving, whitewater rafting or taking some sort of cooking class on a first date. Seriously? How can a normal person in the middle of nowhere Alabama keep up with this? If it's a terrible date, do you really want to be strapped to the stomach of a stranger and jump out of a plane hoping that the parachute doesn't open just to end the date?? Thanks Match.com and Eharmony for making a lunch date in the park a let down.
3) Stability matters
At this point in my life, I would like to know that I would be dating someone that is somewhat stable. I'm not talking about money either. While that is important, a relationship can't be based on income. It's just smart to know that the person is not about to go postal at work or duct tape me and toss me in a trunk of a car.
4) Competition
Let's face it.... there are fewer fish in the sea than are advertised. We are not in the same shape we were ten years ago and the same barrel of single fish are getting shot at by everyone. This means that you have to prove that you have something that the acquired target can't live without. Be it a sense of humor, dependability, charm, money... whatever it takes. The only problem is everyone else is pitching the same thing. If you suck at marketing yourself, it doesn't matter how many fish are in that barrel.
5) Fear
Fear of the unknown adds pressure. Fear of rejection, acceptance, success, or just being scared senseless of just the thought of meeting a stranger for the first time. A little fear is a good thing, keeps you on edge and alert... but letting it consume you will shoot you in the foot from the beginning.
6) The first date
Now comes the culmination of the phone calls, text messages and emails. The actual date. Is the same thing that was acceptable at 21 still in play today? Is opening doors looked at as old fashioned? How about the tab.... pay or split? Is a hug too much... not enough? Or is it like the songs you hear on the radio that say push you against a wall and plant a big fat one on her? Wait three days to call... is it ok to text after the date? Sounds crazy but these are all thing that ran through my mind sitting in my car waiting to meet. I know I am exaggerating a little, but that is just my experience.
I do have to say that I have yet to be thrown in a trunk or been scorned for opening a door. I guess what I am getting at is dating is what you make of it. Times and circumstances change but the one thing that remains constant is you. No matter what, making yourself a marketable product is the most important thing to do in the single world. Work with what you have, don't lie and go with the flow. Who knows how my dating life will end up.... but one thing is for sure, you can't win the game from the sidelines.
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