Game On

For the past two years I have been working non stop. Pretty much everything in my life was put on hold. I didn't take time to enjoy life or take risks. I played everything close to the vest and safe. So far the past six months I have tried to enjoy life and get out of the rut I was in. It all pretty much kicked off with a bourbon trail that led into a trip to Hawaii. Now I have taken another big step, I have thrown myself head on into the dating world. Let me tell you, at 30..... it scares the hell out of me. The pressure is much greater at this stage vs. college when saying "hey, wanna hang out and grab a beer?" would do the trick. Now I have to try to be creative and prove that I am stable. It has been interesting. So that made me think, why so much pressure? Here are my thoughts on the situation.

1) We live in the South

Everyone from here knows that 90% of the people we went to high school worth were married by 23 and there is a good chance they are close to fielding a starting basketball lineup. I know that women feel more pressure, but so do men. My grandmother constantly reminds me that she had five matching picture frames, four of them house wedding pictures of her grandchildren and one is empty. You do the math. Awesome.

2) Unrealistic expectations

Everyone has seen the online dating commercials where everyone is have a great time going skydiving, whitewater rafting or taking some sort of cooking class on a first date. Seriously? How can a normal person in the middle of nowhere Alabama keep up with this? If it's a terrible date, do you really want to be strapped to the stomach of a stranger and jump out of a plane hoping that the parachute doesn't open just to end the date?? Thanks Match.com and Eharmony for making a lunch date in the park a let down. 

3) Stability matters

At this point in my life, I would like to know that I would be dating someone that is somewhat stable. I'm not talking about money either. While that is important, a relationship can't be based on income. It's just smart to know that the person is not about to go postal at work or duct tape me and toss me in a trunk of a car. 

4) Competition

Let's face it.... there are fewer fish in the sea than are advertised. We are not in the same shape we were ten years ago and the same barrel of single fish are getting shot at by everyone. This means that you have to prove that you have something that the acquired target can't live without. Be it a sense of humor, dependability, charm, money... whatever it takes. The only problem is everyone else is pitching the same thing. If you suck at marketing yourself, it doesn't matter how many fish are in that barrel.

5) Fear

Fear of the unknown adds pressure. Fear of rejection, acceptance, success, or just being scared senseless of just the thought of meeting a stranger for the first time. A little fear is a good thing, keeps you on edge and alert... but letting it consume you will shoot you in the foot from the beginning. 

6) The first date

Now comes the culmination of the phone calls, text messages and emails. The actual date. Is the same thing that was acceptable at 21 still in play today? Is opening doors looked at as old fashioned? How about the tab.... pay or split? Is a hug too much... not enough? Or is it like the songs you hear on the radio that say push you against a wall and plant a big fat one on her? Wait three days to call... is it ok to text after the date? Sounds crazy but these are all thing that ran through my mind sitting in my car waiting to meet. I know I am exaggerating a little, but that is just my experience. 

I do have to say that I have yet to be thrown in a trunk or been scorned for opening a door. I guess what I am getting at is dating is what you make of it. Times and circumstances change but the one thing that remains constant is you. No matter what, making yourself a marketable product is the most important thing to do in the single world. Work with what you have, don't lie and go with the flow. Who knows how my dating life will end up.... but one thing is for sure, you can't win the game from the sidelines. 

For Better or Worse

Tomorrow is November 6th. Everyone knows what that means. All of you out there have your own opinions and it's not my mission to change that. I just want to make sure that whatever your vote is, you vote.

I know, you are already starting to think that I have an agenda and want to use my social media footprint to push it (insert laugh here). I just want you guys out there to take some time to think about how much of a privilege it is to cast a vote. Many of you may have has family that fought in wars or know someone that is serving in the military now. That is an easy way to judge the cost of freedom. I encourage you to take a deeper look. Look at the Women's Suffrage movement that led to the 19th Amendment that allowed everyone to vote regardless of sex. Look at the Civil Rights movement battles that were fought. While the 15th Amendment stated that "The right of citizens of the United States to vote and hold office shall not be denied or abridged by any State on the account of race, color, nativity, property, creed or previous condition of servitude" in 1870,  many minorities still faced public discrimination until people like Dr. King took a stand. 

I'm not wanting this to be a history lesson, but without the ability to vote, none of this would have happened. I know that everyone has their own system of beliefs, that is what makes this country so great. Whether you support the war, gay marriage, abortion, prayer in school, social security, government bail outs or oppose them (the list can go on) make your voice be heard and vote. While you hear people say one vote won't matter..... it does. If everyone stopped voting, what would all the lost lives in the Revolutionary War, Civil War, WW1, WW2, Korean War, Vietnam, and the Middle East mean? I know that my ability to write my opinions and wake up every morning in a safe, sovereign state is all because I can vote. 

Vote Obama, Vote Romney... hell, right in a name. I don't care... Just take advantage of this privilege and make a difference. Your candidate may not win, that's ok. This country is too strong to fail because of one man or woman.

Educate yourself, make an informed decision... and vote.

Write your own track

Well, to be honest.. I have no idea why I am writing at the moment. Sometimes I just like to air out my thoughts. Music is on my mind. I sit here and listen to my iPad shuffle through songs and each new track brings up a memory. To me nothing stimulates my emotions more. I have been taken back to high school, past relationships, football games, road trips and even to bars all in the past couple hours without leaving my room.

Everyone has that one song though that they can relate to more than any other. When that song came up, I had to place it on repeat just so I could take in the moment and remember it for what it was. Sometimes living in that moment seems easier than the present. It's always easy to remember the past with rose colored glasses. Maybe that was a time in life where the laughs came easier and the friends seemed closer, then again.. it's easy to forget the negative stuff from that time.

I try to look at each day as an opportunity to add that new defining song to my soundtrack. It's up to me if I want my track to sound like Jimmy Buffet or Nickelback. I hope you guys that read this get whet I'm going with that reference.

That's all the wisdom I have to bestow on you today. Until next time, stay simple.

Sometimes a push is a good thing

Over the weekend I ran into someone that I have more respect for than most people I know. She was a teacher of mine in high school and then into college. After a brief conversation, I started thinking about how under-appreciated teachers are in today’s society. I am 30 now and she is still pushing me to excel and takes a personal interest in my life. 

I was not the most studious person in my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age. I honestly believe that I used that as an excuse when classes got hard or I didn’t want to do homework. I pretty much coasted my way through high school with the exception of one teacher. Dr. Parris. She somehow harnessed my abundant energy and inability to focus on class work. She pushed me in her web development classes. I found that with her help, I was good at something. I never really had a teacher make me feel like I was letting myself down if I missed a deadline. With her help I received a scholarship and went off to college. A couple years later I was struggling through college and got great news that Dr. P. (as most of us from high school refer to her) was coming to teach at UNA. I wasn’t the best student there either. Through all of my ups and downs, she was a constant.. she always knew what to say to motivate me. That’s not to say that what she had to say was easy to hear sometimes. 

Most of you know me, my school history and my championship ability to drop classes. I just wanted to take a second and thank the only teacher I have ever had to still take the time to wave me down, ask how my life is and encourage me to better myself. Some teachers never know the influence they have on students lives. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be where I am without the support of Dr. Parris and my family. 

If you have someone that touched your life, take time to let him or her know. Sometimes that person may not know that the little gestures they made over 10 years ago still impact you today.

So Dr. Parris.... Thank you for everything. Don't give up on me yet and hopefully I'll be back in more of your classes soon.

Catching up

Well, I guess it’s been a while since I have posted anything. I think a fair amount of activity has happened in the past couple months. By far the most exciting thing was my trip to Hawaii. Other than that, I moved (again) and saw a bunch of old friends at UNA Homecoming.

Let’s start with Hawaii. First off, I have to thank Rachael and Josh. Without their hospitality, a trip to Maui could never have been possible. Missy and I had a great time. We got to spend a LOT of time together.  The fact that she didn’t kill me is amazing.  I am sure that I am not the best person to spend around 20 hours of airport time with! As for the trip itself, I could not have planned a better vacation. We started off hiking through a bamboo forest and ended up in lava fields and even had some celebrity spotting time squeezed in the middle. For those of you who have never been to Hawaii, there is so much more than beaches.. for instance, I didn’t know that half of the island of Maui was a desert. It was very interesting. I can honestly say that I have never been anywhere so beautiful. Pretty much everyone I met was inviting and friendly. I cant express how grateful I am for the ability to take this trip and escape reality for a while.

As for moving… after a couple months of struggling with the idea of buying or renting, I decided to go a head a rent again. I understand that I am an adult, but buying a house just seems like a huge commitment and to be honest, I am not even sure where I will end up a year from now. I would hate to buy a house and then meet some awesome chick and her hate my house with a huge tv, one recliner and a couch that my parents bought when they first got married 42 years ago!

Now for work… well.. its just that. Nothing real fulfilling or exciting, but it pays the bills. Its hard to believe that I am 30 years old and have yet to find that one thing that I am passionate about and would love to get paid to do. I thought that as soon as I worked my way to day shift all the problems would go away and I would start liking my job. Turns out that was a misconception.  Don’t get me wrong; I love having my weekends off… I just still feel like nothing I do at work is making a positive difference in the world. Maybe it’s time to settle with my job and throw in the towel with a career and look elsewhere to make a difference. I’m sure there are plenty of local organizations to volunteer at and impact the community.

In other big news, I’m still single. Ha. Not having much luck in that front either. Florence seems so small and I feel like I know everyone here.

All in all, I have a pretty great life and friends… there are always going to be little problems and bumps along the way. The trick is to not get caught up in the bad and appreciate what you have. Holding my 2-month-old baby niece tonight (while she was screaming her lungs out) was probably the most meaningful thing I have done in a while, and though it was only for a few short minutes to let my sister in law eat, my drive to make a difference was renewed.

That’s all for now friends, I apologize if my mindless rambling wasted your time. 

Leaping into my 30's

Hello 30.

As much as I fought and tried to delay it, my time to enter an new era in my life has come. Thanks to great timing on the part of my good friends Brian and Amy, their wedding festivities happened to fall on my birthday. That helped to soften the blow just a little. My weekend consisted of moonshine, bourbon, great BBQ, music and making new friends. It's not everyday in small town Alabama that such a diverse group of people get together and swap stories and dance into the night. If my weekend was any indication of what my 30's are going to be like, sit back and hold on!

Going forward I will have some big decisions to make. Where to live, buy or rent, which career path to take.. all of these are things that I can not afford to put off any longer in my life. As much as I love the comfort of home, I have always been driven to find out what else is out there. Maybe this will be the year I take that chance. Who knows.

Anyway, this is a short not so awesome post, just felt the need to write something.

Valentine's guide for the Simple Dudes

I know guys, you are already sick of seeing pink and red hearts, chocolate boxes and the overwhelming number of jewelry commercials on tv. All of this is a media and opportunist manufactured holiday. You tend to look at this as a day that you have to spend money, make plans and actually show you are interested in your wife, fiance or girlfriend. Trust me... I have been there. But, take a step out of the box and look at this as an opportunity to get ahead. Let me explain.

There are 365 days in a year (366 this year). That means that at some point you are going to do something stupid and get yourself in trouble. This is your one chance to make up for it or get ahead and get those brownie points.

First off, don't ACT like you care.... actually care. There will come a time in your life that you will be alone and reflect back on what you had and how you didn't show you cared even though you did. As cheesy as it sounds, I look at my parents. My Dad has to be one of the most romantic and caring men I know. My parents have literally been together their entire lives. Through all of my Moms cancer problems and health problems... he still manages to come through and never complain. He makes sure to let her know that he cares and she is special.

So all of that being said, the first sign if showing you care is to actually put some thought into the ONE day a year that women expect you to take charge. I understand that we all work and that sometimes a trip to George's might seem high class, but that is over played. Try planning out something that appeals to her. Try taking her to the place you went on your first date or maybe even sign up for that cooking class she wanted to go to but you were worried that your friends would give you hell about.

Second, roses are boring. I get that some women out there expect them... and by all means if your woman expects them, get them. However, step it up a notch. Try a different arrangement other than the first thing you see at Walmart. Call a real florist (Lola's does a great job) and ask them to sprinkle in flowers with her favorite colors. It always works out better if you actually go to the florist and hand write a special note. It also is a nice touch to randomly send some throughout the year with a card that reads "Just cause".

Next, remember that this day is really not about the male gender. So set the testosterone aside and ask her how her day was and listen to what she has to say. Put off going to the gym or the beer after work. Turn off your iPhone and ESPN and just pay attention.

Then it comes to a gift and card. Everyone has different financial situations, and it really is the thought that counts, as long as you do just that..... put thought into it. If you can't afford that watch, necklace or ring that she has her eye on, try another route. Take the time to learn her favorite perfume or something like a Kindle Fire so she can read her Twilght books and you can also play games on it. Then there is the card. Take 10 minutes and write her a note. It doesn't have to be Coleridge or Frost, but something that expresses what you rarely say.

For what it's worth, I have learned from my mistakes over the years and I am trying to throw my two cents into this commercial holiday. For those of you who head this advice... you can thank me later. Remember... don't rush the night just to get to the end. Enjoy the evening and the company, slow it down a bit and above all else..... plan ahead and show you care. That will make the ending all that much better. But then again, if you are reading this now... odds are it's too late to plan ahead.

Good luck Dudes.

North or South... Not sure where to go

What direction do I go? As I approach a benchmark year in my life, I still find myself wandering a road to which I no no where it leads. To many people that would seem a bit scary. Well, to be honest, it scares the hell out of me as well. I have some people pressuring me to accept my life for what it is and move forward. On the other hand, I have some people that encourage the unknown and embrace the surprises that life may hold.

I feel as if I accept my situation in life as the status quo I will miss that big opportunity in my life to do something meaningful and make a change. On the other hand, maybe I have unrealistic expectations for myself. I have a hard time believing that we are here to just be average. I have this desire to be great... The only thing is that I have yet to find that opportunity. I don't consider my job a career. It's very unfulfilling yet it more than meets my basic financial needs. Without it I would not be able to survive, and there lie the rub. How do I break the cycle of work to live, live to work.

For any of you that actually read this.. I apologize for the ramble. This is just me working out my life with the demons in my head. It always helps to air it out and think it through. So I bid you adieu for the night and leave my thoughts to the universe as my friend Jack wearing the black label and I sort out life's greatest mysteries.